


glory and gore

by live_laugh_murder



Category: Arrow (TV 2012), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Friendship, Grief/Mourning, Humor, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Mild Smut, Someone dies, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-20
Updated: 2017-08-04
Packaged: 2018-12-04 16:58:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11559513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/live_laugh_murder/pseuds/live_laugh_murder
Summary: Oliver tugs at his restraints, unable to stop from crying out anymore. "S-Stop, please! I'm begging you, stop!"Barry lets out a sob that breaks his hope and he shakes in fear as he gives Oliver a pleading look. "Don't. Please don't."Cisco pulls against Killer Frost. He sees the change in Olivers eyes, and he knows what's going to happen, and there's nothing he can do to stop it. "Oliver, no!"Even Felicity, who's crumpling up from pain, can see through him. "Don't say anything, Oliver," she says. "Not for me. You can't. Just - " But she's interrupted when Savitar grabs her thumb and twists it until it cracks.Barry looks at his friend hopelessly, praying that he can stay strong. But how selfish is that? Letting a woman he loves be tortured and killed to save another woman he loves? So all he can get out is, "Ollie, no."When Oliver and Felicity come to Central City to help out Team Flash, things get messy.





	1. Chapter 1

The car chase was the easiest thing the team had dealt with in weeks. Barry fell into the old routine of teasing the bad guys after he caught them, then speeding them to the precinct.

"Nice, Barry!" Cisco exclaims in the comm set as he steps back and smiles at his work and the officers cuff the criminals.

Sighing, Barry nods once and then runs out, leaving behind a gust of wind and a flash of lightning. When he gets back to the lab he slows down, brushing his sweaty hair to the side and grinning. It's strange that something so small can make him feel so much better, but maybe that's just what he needs in the middle of all of this Savitar business.

"And there he is. Good work, Barry."

Barry stops in his tracks as he reaches the cortex. He didn't think things could get any better.

"Felicity, hey," he says, his smile widening. "What are you guys doing here?" He rushes forward and wraps his arms around her, practically sweeping her off of her feet.

Oliver stands up from his seat next to Cisco and shakes Barry's hand. "Things are oddly quiet in Star City. We thought we'd come visit you, see if you need help with anything."

"Hey, uh, where's Caitlin?" Felicity asks, looking around.

Cisco stands before Barry can say anything. "She's... out of town for a few days. Visiting family."

Barry sighs, forcing a smile back on his face. "It doesn't matter. I missed you guys so much." He goes back in for a hug from Felicity, laughing softly.

"Oh! Hi."

Everyone turns to find Iris at the entrance, looking between Barry and Felicity. She's always seen right through them and known that no matter what Barry says, they have a connection. It's not hard to tell it makes her a bit jealous, but she loves Felicity all the same.

"I didn't know you were coming in town."

Oliver chuckles. "Yeah, neither did I, until this morning." He looks to Felicity, who smiles in response.

"So," she starts, "anything we can help with? Anything Savitar-related?"

Barry's smile falters. "Uh..." he hesitates.

"Hey, man, I think we can stop him," Oliver attempts to reassure. "Together. I can call in my team, too. He might be a god, but there are more of us than him."

Cisco looks up. "You haven't told them?"

"I... haven't had much free time to bring them up to speed with it all."

"What?" Felicity asks. "What is it?"

Barry sighs heavily, rubbing his face. "Savitar isn't a god, guys. He's me."

"I'm gonna... go," Cisco announces, slowly standing then walking out.

Felicity looks at Iris, then Barry. "I don't understand."

"Savitar is Barry," Iris says. "Well, a time remnant of Barry from the future."

"That's how he's always one step ahead of us, because he lived this. He knows everything that we do, every single plan that we come up with." Barry looks at Iris sadly, shaking his head. "He wants to kill Iris so that I can... I can become so alone and broken that I'll - I'll become him. And it'll all start over again."

Felicity blinks slowly, trying to understand. "I don't get it. When did this start? You can't become Savitar without Savitar killing Iris first, so how did Savitar first become Savitar if Savitar hadn't killed Iris yet?"

Barry just shakes his head. "It's just an endless loop. No beginning, no end."

"Hey," Oliver says quickly before Barry has the chance to ramble and break down. "We'll figure this out. What can I do?"

Barry takes a shaky breath, rubbing the back of his neck. "There's just a few days until it happens... So you need to find somewhere to hide Iris. Get Cisco's help if you have to, but do not tell me where she is or what your plan is. If I know, he knows... Thank you."

Oliver nods. "Of course, Barry." Then he looks at Iris, sighing. "Let's go."

When Iris and Oliver are out of sight, Felicity watches Barry's facade of leader melt until just he's left, scared and hopeless.

"Barry, we'll figure this out, okay?"

But Barry shakes his head, sitting on the steps and putting his head in his hands. "I don't know. How can I defeat someone who's always a hundred steps ahead of me? This is impossible."

"No," Felicity says sternly. She sits beside her friend, placing a hand on his knee. "You have proved that nothing is impossible. No one should be able to run at the speed you do, that should be impossible, right? But it's not. And it's not impossible to beat Savitar. But you can't do it alone. You're just lucky you're better at accepting help than Oliver is."

Barry smiles softly. "He's so lucky that he has you, Felicity."

"And so are you," Felicity replies, leaning and kissing his cheek. "And Iris is lucky to have you."

Scoffing, Barry shakes his head. "I can't lose her. I've lost so much already, I can't lose her." With that last word he heaves a big breath and buries his face between his knees. "I can't."

-

"Robbery in progress, Central City Bank." Cisco hunches over his computer typing away. "Three armed men."

Barry looks to Oliver, who's staring at the screens with Felicity. "You coming?"

Oliver smiles. "I thought you'd never ask," he says, running out to suit up.

Barry is ready to go by the time he walks out putting on his mask. "What took you so long?" he teases.

"Shut the hell up," Oliver scoffs. "Let's go."

Barry nods, grabbing onto him and running them out of there.

Felicity grabs a seat next to Cisco, claiming a computer and cracking her knuckles before getting to work.

"Everything okay?" Felicity asks after a few minutes.

"Easy as pie," is Oliver's response.

Felicity rolls her eyes. "See, that would imply that pie is easy, and I can assure you that pie is very difficult."

"That's because you can't bake, Felicity. Or cook. Now, what is difficult is dodging bullets while arguing with you. We'll talk later."

Felicity sighs, rolling back a few feet in her chair. "I miss this," she says. "Everything being easy and fun."

Cisco scoffs. "Tell me about it."

"Cisco?" the blond asks after a few moments in silence. "What happened to Caitlin?"

"She... She's not exactly Caitlin anymore." At her questioning look, Cisco continues. "Her powers... they kind of took over. She's Killer Frost."

Before Felicity can say anything, they get a sound over the comms. Static. "Oliver?" she asks. "Barry?"

"Are you there?" Cisco asks. "Barry!"

There's finally a reply after a few moments, but it's nothing hopeful. "Wait - Stop!" Then there's silence, and Cisco doesn't hesitate to stand up, heading for his gear.

"What are you doing?"

"Helping them."

But then there's a gust of wind and flash of light, and Barry is there. He's hunched over, holding his face in his hands and groaning. "Felicity... help."

"Cisco, get in here! It's Barry!" Felicity calls.

Barry falls to the ground, lying on his right side and revealing a bullet wound in his left hip. When she tries to touch it, he screams in agony, shaking his head.

Cisco finally makes it back in, dropping his glasses at the sight of Barry. "Felicity..."

"Come on!'' the blond urges. "Barry, can you stand? I gotta get you to the medical supplies."

Barry begins to move, but stops abruptly and yells out. "No... No..."

Cisco doesn't move a muscle, eyes locked on Felicity as he's filled with a terrible hopeless feeling. He can't see Barry's face, but he knows. "Felicity. Get away from him."

"What the hell are you doing? Help him!" she yells.

He tries to tell her with his eyes, motioning with his head to move, just get out of there. But she isn't getting the message. "That's not Barry," Cisco says.

Felicity's expression drops, and she looks back down. But before she can move an inch, he's pushed his mask off and gripped his hands around her throat. As she attempts to gasp for breath, she sees his scarred face and greedy, satisfied smile, and in that moment she realizes everything that she has. Barry is one of the best people in her life, and seeing this person that looks like him - hell, it basically is him - trying to hurt her with such pleasure terrifies her.

"Hello, Felicity," Savitar says quietly, their faces so close she can feel his breath.

Cisco knows that it's useless, but he wont just stand by and watch while Felicity is hurt, so he takes a big stride forward and kicks Savitar's arm as hard as he can. Savitar grunts and releases her, then is up in a flash of light and hitting Cisco. Felicity, still gasping for air, hits the time remnant while he's distracted, directly on his bullet wound. He screams out in pain and frustration, but still has enough strength to throw Felicity into the wall and hit Cisco hard enough to send him to the ground.

Savitar then steps back and inspects his injury, laughing. Felicity watches in horror as he smiles and digs the bullet out, throwing it to the side. "Sometimes you have to make sacrifices to get something you want."

"And what do you want that you had to shoot yourself to get it?" Cisco scoffs.

"I want to know where Iris is hiding." Savitar looks between the two of them, Cisco trying to figure out how to sneak up on him and Felicity cowering against the wall.

Felicity looks away. Eye contact is too hard when it's someone she cares so much about trying to hurt them. "We don't know. I - I was here with Barry, you know that. And Cisco left."

"Oh, I know," Savitar replies. "It was Oliver who hid her. And I could torture it out of him, but he's too strong for that."

With a disbelieving look on her face, Felicity shakes her head and gets to her feet. She can't back away anymore as Savitar stalks toward her. "It was you that called Oliver out on torturing people. How could you change so much?"

"That wasn't me! That was him!" Savitar yells. "He's weak. I'm a god."

Felicity scoffs. "You're not a god. You're just broken, Barry."

Cisco can't allow himself to be thrown off guard by Felicity's strength, so he makes sure he's ready when she punches Savitar hard enough to send him stumbling back, and he catches him by putting him in a headlock and sending all his strength into knocking him out.

Savitar doesn't seem to be struggling, though. Instead, he's chuckling. "You always were the smart ones. Still not fast enough though."

Cisco is thrown off when Savitar starts to vibrate. He lets go, stumbling away and looking to Felicity, who's frozen in place. "Felicity, go! Run!"

Savitar laughs and shakes his head at Cisco and effortlessly catches his wrists as he tries to use his powers against him. Gripping his wrists hard, he twists his arms in a way that makes Cisco fall to his knees and yell in pain. "No matter what you do, no matter who helps you, you cannot save Iris. When will you understand this?" And with that, he grab Cisco's hair and slams his head into the desk, letting him fall to the floor unconscious.

-

Felicity doesn't even reach the end of the hall before she's grabbed from behind. Normally she loves the feeing of running with Barry. The rush of wind and electricity around them makes her feel unstoppable. But this only makes her feel helpless and scared.

When she's dropped, she falls to the ground, and without bothering to get up, she takes in her surroundings. It looks like an abandoned building, dark and wet. There's a station set up with a couple of computers on an old metal desk, and in the corner is what looks like a machine of some sort.

Savitar doesn't seem to care about hurting her when he pulls her up by her wrists, and it doesn't help when she's fighting against him with all she's got. While he tries to get her up, she twists and turns, then ends up kicking his knee wth all her strength. He screams and stumbles back, practically growling, and Felicity uses it as her opportunity to stand and run.

She finds herself in a maze of boxes and scrap metal, with no clue where an exit is. And it's too late. He's there, right in front of her, and when she turns, all around her. She's surrounded by lightning with nowhere to turn.

"Stop!" Felicity finally screams, her head in her hands. She can't take it anymore. "Please! Stop!"

With a gust of wind, Savitar stops moving when he's directly in front of her. He's no longer in his replica of Barry's suit, but in normal clothes. Well, not normal for Barry. It's all dark, black jacket and pants, and it just scares Felicity even more. This is Barry, this is definitely her Barry, but so much darker, so much scarier.

"I can't tell you where Iris is," Felicity says, voice cracking. "And even if I knew, I wouldn't."

Savitar sighs heavily. "I know." He grabs her wrist and pulls her along, bringing her to the desk with the computers and sitting her down in a chair in front of it. "Which is why you're gonna work your magic on the computers for me, and when we have a location on her, I'll let you go."

"And if I don't?"

"If you don't, I can send the signal to Killer Frost to kill Oliver Queen."

Felicity's breath catches in her throat, but she does her best to keep her calm. Oliver can take care of himself, and Barry is there to help him.

"You mean Caitlin?" Felicity asks, taking a breath.

Savitar scoffs. "Caitlin is dead. And Oliver will be, too, if you don't get working."

There's a moment where Felicity considers their odds against Savitar, and before he can threaten her with anything else she says firmly, "No."

"What the hell do you mean, no?"

Sighing, the blond stands. "If you have all of Barry's memories, you know that Oliver is the only one who knows where Iris is. If you kill him, you'll never where she is."

"Which is why I have you, Felicity."

Felicity just crosses her arms over her chest. "And if she's on another earth? I can't trace people through the multiverse... So, no, you won't kill Oliver. Unless you never wanna find out where Iris is hiding."

No matter how scary he is when he's angry, Felicity can't help but relish how she's managed to stump him. Even the smallest victory can make her feel good.

Until she sees him smile.

"You're right," Savitar says. "I can't kill him."

-

Oliver groans, slowly getting to his feet from where Barry pushed him out of the way of Killer Frost's blast. "You know, I could've used some warning that Caitlin was secretly Elsa."

Barry shakes his head. "She's not. Elsa's nicer."

"Watch out!"

Barry doesn't take the time to turn around, just runs out of the way while Oliver swiftly grabs a bow. He shoots it in time to break an sharp icicle into pieces. He has another arrow at the ready, about to let it go when he loses his balance.

But in a split second he realizes he didn't fall, his feet are still on the ground. And he's surrounded by blue electricity, and before he even realizes it, he's standing in front of Felicity with only dim lights to show where they are.

"What the hell?" Oliver asks immediately. Then he sees the look on her face, and knows something is wrong. "Are you okay?"

Felicity shakes her head quickly. "No, no, you need to run. Go."

Oliver doesn't risk questioning her, but turns to escape. He takes one step before a familiar face is in front of him. Barry. But he looks completely destroyed. Broken, physically and mentally. It's in this moment that he realizes he still has his bow in his hand and his quiver on his back, though he know there's no way he could get an arrow fast enough, so he just tightens his grip on his bow in fear and frustration.

But Savitar must have seen the small movement because before anyone has a chance to take anything in, he has Felicity by her throat. Oliver gets an arrow ready, his aim set on Savitar's arm.

"Let her go."

Using his free arm, Savitar raises his hand, vibrating it too close for comfort by Felicity's chest. "Put the bow down, Ollie."

He does, slowly putting the string back in place and setting it on the floor.

"There you go..." Savitar says, dropping Felicity to the floor. "If you decide to fight, I can always decide it's not too late to kill her."

Oliver steps away from his bow for good measure, nodding and putting his hands up. "Okay."

And suddenly there's a cold hand on his wrist. He didn't even notice Killer Frost was there too. He jumps and tries to pull away, but the grip just tightens.

"Whoa, there... Chill out," Killer frost says. And then he feels the cold, his skin and bones in his wrist going numb as he screams.

Felicity attempts to push past Savitar to stop her, but he doesn't need to use his powers to keep her in place.

"Sit down. Do your job. Or you can watch Oliver freeze to death."

Gulping, Felicity takes a deep breath and slowly gets back in her chair by the computer. There's a gust of wind, and next time she looks up, Oliver is strapped to a chair by his arms and legs.

"Oliver..." Felicity whispers shakily.

"Get to work!" Savitar shouts, punching Oliver's jaw to speed her up a bit.

Felicity jumps and looks back down, heart racing and fingers shaking as she types away. "I can't... There's no signal on her phone and traffic cams aren't picking anything up... I can't find her."

Savitar hesitates for a moment, looking like he's thinking, and when the moment is over, he speeds his fist into Oliver's face again. "That's too bad."

"No, stop!" Felicity screams. "Let him go!"

"You better keep working," Savitar says simply.

Oliver is already shaking, the cold spreading to his entire body. "Felicity, don't," he says. "I'm okay. I'm fine. You can't. He'll kill her."

"He'll kill you, too," Felicity replies, not even taking her scared eyes off of the screen. "And I won't lose you."

Oliver grunts as he weakly pulls on his restraint, a look of hatred and disgust on his face as he glares at Savitar and tries to hide his fear. This thing that looks so much like his friend, the one friend he had that was almost always smiling and hopeful, the one that kept a little bit of light in him, he's so broken and dark, and it's terrifying.

"It doesn't matter, Barry."

Savitar swivels toward Oliver, stalking closer. "That is not my name."

Oliver scoffs. "Yes it is."

"I'm the god of speed."

"You are not a god!" Oliver shouts. "You're a man and a coward! And you will never find Iris. No matter how good Felicity is at her job, she will never be able to trace her. And I don't think searching the endless multiverse will do much for you."

Savitar sneers and leans down, grabbing the arms of the chair Oliver is strapped to. "You're right... Maybe she can't do anything for me. So why don't you help me? Where is Iris?"

Oliver looks to the side, trying to hide the fact that he's so afraid of this thing. When will Barry get here?

"Come on. Help me out. Tell me where she is, Ollie."

-

Barry finds STAR Labs empty except for Cisco, looking groggy on the floor.

"What the hell happened?"

Cisco groans, taking the hand Barry offers and stumbling to get up. "Savitar. He took... Oh, no, where's Felicity?"

Barry shakes his head. "I don't know."

"And Oliver?"

Sighing, Barry rubs his face. "That robbery was a distraction. Killer Frost showed up, and then Savitar took Oliver and - We gotta find them. He's trying to figure out where Iris is and Oliver is the only one who knows."

"I can try to track Felicity's phone. That thing never leaves her side." Cisco sighs and takes a seat by the monitors, giving Barry a nervous look before getting to work.

It's a few minutes before he gets anything, but when he does he doesn't hesitate to rush away from the desk and get his gear while Barry looks at where they're supposed to go. An abandoned building. What's new?

-

"Go to hell," Oliver spits out, full of hatred. "There's nothing you can do to me that would be worse than anything I've dealt with before. So you can - "

His words are muffled when a hand is put over his mouth, but he can still scream when he's hit with a cold blast. It stings and burns and he's dripping sweat despite being so cold. Oliver tries to shake his head and get Killer Frost off of him, and when she lets go, the warmer air does nothing to help his now blue lips. He can't help but start shaking uncontrollably, his teeth chattering.

All Felicity can do is stand and watch, crying. "Stop! Stop, please! I'm trying, I swear. Just don't - don't touch him!"

Oliver shakes his head. "Y - You can't... F - Find her... A - And I won't s - s - say anything... We're okay..."

"No, no, no, no! Oliver, just tell him, please, before he kills you."

Savitar chuckles. "I won't kill him. I'll just break him."

And with that, he brings his fist down on Oliver's hand - the one that isn't frozen - and steps back to watch his fingers curl up in pain as he yells out.

Oliver and Felicity aren't able to process what's happening when lightning is suddenly surrounding them all. Oliver takes his break from torture to let his head hang as he pants and shakes. Felicity just stands and watches, unable to help him as they're separated by two streaks running at the speed of light.

Oliver barely even acknowledges Cisco when he shows up in front of him and starts untying his legs, too weak to move.

Cisco sighs, finishing one leg and moving to the next, but Oliver groans in protest. "No."

"What? I'm getting you out of here."

"No," Oliver says weakly, barely getting a sound out. "Get Felicity out of here. Get her to safety first."

Cisco almost hesitates, but he knows Oliver has a point, so he gets back up and runs over to the blond.

All Oliver can do is watch as Killer Frost throws Cisco to the side and stalks toward him, and with Savitar preoccupied, this is probably Felicity's only chance to get out, so he tries to yell.

"Felicity... Run... Run!"

But Felicity shakes her head, whimpering as he looks through the lightning. "I'm not leaving without you guys!"

Suddenly the lightning comes to a stop, and Barry is standing between the two of them. "Felicity, go, now!" he yells at her. "You need to get out of here!"

And then he's flying across the room and hitting the wall before he slides down to the floor and groans. Before he knows it, Savitar grabs him and pulls him up. It feels like an eternity of defeat to him, but to Oliver and Felicity, it's only a second before he's standing in front of his friend, held back by this version of himself that wants to destroy his life.

Cisco struggles against Killer Frost as she practically drags him to the others, his hands restrained by power dampening cuffs.

"Aw, look at that. The whole gang is back together," Killer Frost says, a smirk on her face.

Barry looks down at Oliver, a pang of guilt rushing through him. "Let me help him."

"Why the hell would I do that?" Savitar asks, tugging on Barry's arm that he has held painfully behind his back.

Barry tries not to yell, biting his tongue and wincing. "Because he knows where Iris is. And if he dies, you'll never find her. And right now, he _is_ dying. Please. I am begging you, let me help him."

Savitar hesitates before grunting and pushing Barry forward.

Barry crouches down and grabs Oliver's face in his hands. He's barely keeping his eyes open. "Ollie? Come on, look at me."

Oliver's eyes flutter open, and he closes them tight once more before attempting to keep them open long enough to talk to his friend. "Barry..."

Nodding, Barry sniffles. "Yeah... Listen, okay... I'm so sorry. For all of this. I am so sorry. Just... Just please hang on a little bit longer. We will get out of here. But please... please don't tell him."

"I - I won't... I've had worse," Oliver chuckles weakly.

"I said you could help him, not write your vows," Savitar sneers.

So with a quick breath, Barry moves his hands down to Oliver's shoulders. He focuses on moving, and on moving Oliver with him, and when he can feel him warm up a little, he looks back up and lets out a sigh of relief. The color is back in Oliver's face and he's stopped shaking, though he's still bleeding, but that can be fixed later.

Barry knows that if he fights right now, it won't end well for anyone, so he lets Savitar put him into a chair next to Oliver and tie him down. He can just wait for the right moment, to catch him off guard and phase out of there.

"So, now that I know that tracing and torture won't work," Savitar says, making his way back up to Felicity at the monitors, "how about watching your friend die slowly?"

Felicity takes that as her cue to escape, but there's no point because before she can even move to try, Savitar has her by her wrists.

"Last chance, Oliver. Where is Iris?"

Oliver takes one look at the fear in Felicity's eyes and knows that he has to get her away from this thing. And then he finds Barry next to him, looking just as scared, both for Felicity and Iris.

"You won't hurt her," Oliver says surely, swallowing his fear.

Savitar cocks his head to the side, a smile making its way to his face as he scoffs. "Oh yeah? What makes you think that?"

"Because you're Barry." Oliver huffs and glances at his friends before looking back at Savitar. "No matter how much you hate to admit it, you are still Barry. And you know how much he loves Iris. And if you know that, then you know how much he loves Felicity too. You love them too. And you once felt something for Felicity, and you probably still do. You love her too much to hurt her."

"See, that's where you're wrong, Oliver," Savitar says. "That's your problem. All of you. When will you understand that _I am not Barry Allen_."

Oliver doesn't even notice how loud he screams when he watches Savitar twist Felicity's wrist backwards so that she falls to her knee, yelling out in pain. When he releases her, she falls onto her side and holds her arm close. So Oliver doesn't think twice before starting to work his way out of his restraints, and he can see Barry start to phase his way out of his, but the moment they look up both of them stop.

Savitar has Felicity held against him, her back to his chest, one arm around her throat and the other vibrating next her chest.

"Stop!" Oliver screams. "Don't! I'm sorry, okay, you - you're not Barry, I was wrong, and I'm sorry! Just let her go!"

"Give me what I want, Oliver!" Savitar shouts. "Where is Iris West?"

Oliver looks over at Barry, who shakes his head, basically whimpering. "Don't. Please."

"Time's running out." Savitar grabs Felicity's good hand, easily bending her pointer finger back until there's an audible crack and she screams again. "I'm going to start breaking fingers now. Those won't help much when she's tap-tap-tapping at her little computer. She has ten of them, and if I get through all of them and you still haven't told me where Iris is hiding, I will rip her heart to shreds."

Oliver tugs at his restraints, unable to stop from crying out anymore. "S-Stop, please! I'm begging you, stop!"

Barry lets out a sob that breaks his hope and he shakes in fear as he gives Oliver a pleading look. "Don't. Please don't."

Cisco pulls against Killer Frost. He sees the change in Olivers eyes, and he knows what's going to happen, and there's nothing he can do to stop it. "Oliver, no!"

Even Felicity, who's crumpling up from pain, can see through him. "Don't say anything, Oliver," she says. "Not for me. You can't. Just - " But she's interrupted when Savitar grabs her thumb and twists it until it cracks.

Barry looks at his friend hopelessly, praying that he can stay strong. But how selfish is that? Letting a woman he loves be tortured and killed to save another woman he loves? So all he can get out is, "Ollie, no."

Oliver can't take anymore by the time Savitar picks Felicity back up off the ground, and before he can snap her bone, the Green Arrow is screaming his throat raw. "She's on Earth-38! With Kara Danvers!"

Savitar freezes, dropping his hand and holding Felicity up by her wrist.

"She's with Supergirl," Oliver finishes, panting.

Savitar pushes Felicity into Oliver, where she sits on the floor with her head hung as she cries.

"No!" Barry yells. There's nothing to stop him now, so he phases out of his restraints and runs to Savitar, but before he can get a punch in, he's pushed to the ground.

"It's too late, Barry," Savitar chuckles, pulling Cisco away from Killer Frost and taking off his cuffs. "Iris West will die. And you will break."

Cisco steps away from Savitar, his hands aimed at him, although he knows he isn't fast enough to do any damage. "Let my friends go."

Savitar laughs softly. "Oh, they're free to go. You, on the other hand, need to open a breach to Earth-38."

Cisco just scoffs and rolls his eyes. "Not gonna happen."

Sighing as if he's exhausted, Savitar turns and grabs Killer Frost by her arms. He's too fast for her to realize what's happening, and before she can use her powers on him, she's being held by the power dampening cuffs.

"What the hell are you doing?" she asks, grunting as she pulls against Savitar, who's gripping her throat tight.

"I'm doing what I have to to get what I want," Savitar answers, looking back at Cisco. "Open a breach to Earth-38 or I'll kill her."

Cisco stares at Killer Frost, eyes wide as she struggles for her life, and shakes his head to himself. "She's not my friend anymore. She's not Caitlin."

Savitar laughs. "Don't try and tell yourself that you've stopped caring about her. Because if that were true, you would have left by now."

Barry slowly gets to his feet, groaning. "Cisco - "

But Cisco won't let himself be swayed by anyone else. He pushes his hands in Barry's direction, like pushing an invisible force that sends him flying. He lands at Oliver's feet, whimpering. "I'm sorry, Barry," Cisco says.

And he opens a portal, shining blue clouds lighting the room.

Savitar drops Killer Frost to the ground. "Attaboy, Vibe."

Felicity finally lifts her head to find Savitar making his way to that machine in the corner. She can only watch in horror as it closes itself around his body and glows blue, then stands up and looks like a thing more than human.

Without a word, Savitar goes back to the breach and grabs onto Cisco's arm, pulling him through the multiverse with him.


	2. Chapter 2

Barry grabs his head in his hands and screams. "Damn it! Damn it!" He's rocking back and forth, not even bothering to stand up, when Oliver snaps him out of it.

"Bare, come on, listen to me," he says, hurting at the sight of his friend like this. "Barry!"

Looking over with tears in his eyes, Barry takes a deep breath and tries to relax his fists. "Wh - Wha..."

Oliver sighs, looking down at Felicity and then back to Barry. "You have to get Felicity to the hospital, okay? Just... Just tell them that she was attacked on the street or something, and then come back for me and we can figure out what to do. We just need to stay calm."

"S- Stay calm? How am I..." Barry's breathing quickens and he can barely focus on what's around him as he holds onto Oliver's hand for balance.

"Barry? Barry, just... Hey, just untie me, okay? And then we can take Felicity to the hospital and go back to STAR Labs."

Barry nods softly, taking one last breath before focusing on Oliver's restraints. When one hand is out, Oliver takes care of his other hand as Barry gets his leg out.

"Okay... Okay..." Barry breathes out, getting to his feet with a grunt. He starts to pick up Felicity when Killer Frost speaks up.

"You don't need a hospital."

Oliver walks over to the computers and finds his bow and arrows. "She has two broken fingers and probably a broken arm, I think she does," he says, picking his things up.

Killer Frost stands up, coughing once and walking towards Barry and Felicity. "I can help. Just take us to STAR Labs and I can get her some x-rays and put whatever splint or cast she needs on her."

Felicity groans against Barry's chest, shaking her head. "I don't trust you," she says weakly. "No offense."

Killer Frost shrugs. "None taken." She lifts her wrists, still being held by the cuffs. "Just take these off of me and I can help her. And then I'll be out of your hair."

"I don't want you anywhere near her," Oliver spits, stepping between her and his friends.

"Oliver," Barry sighs. "It'll be faster than waiting in the emergency room and having to explain everything. Take them off."

Oliver shakes his head, scoffing. "No! She nearly killed me."

"If you let me help you," she replies, "then you get to work on defeating Savitar sooner."

Huffing, Oliver grabs Killer Frost's wrists. "If you make one move to hurt her, I will take you down."

When she's out of her cuffs, Killer Frost doesn't do anything, surprisingly to all of them. "Well? Let's get going."

-

It's only about twenty minutes before Felicity's arm and fingers are in splints, and by then Barry is in full freak out mode.

"He knows... He knows, Oliver, and he's gonna kill her..."

Oliver watches Barry pace back and forth in the cortex, sighing. "I'm so sorry, Barry. I couldn't let him hurt Felicity anymore."

Barry shakes his head. "It's not... It's not your fault. I should've known something like this would happen if I let you help me."

"I'll be going, then," Killer Frost announces, crossing the cortex to the exit. "But this changes nothing."

Felicity limps a bit over to Barry and Oliver, sighing. "I'm really sorry."

Barry barely acknowledges it, just continuing to pace. "I gotta go. I have to do whatever I can to save her, and - "

He's interrupted by a phone ringing, and Oliver pulls his out and goes to the hall for some privacy.

Felicity sits on the steps, rubbing her face. "I'm sorry. I can't believe Oliver, I mean giving up Iris for me, I just..." She looks angry, which is crazy for someone who just had their life saved.

"I can," Barry says, crouching down in front of her. He knows he has to go help Iris, but he should wait for Oliver, so right now he gives all his attention to Felicity. "He loves you. So do I."

"But you didn't give up on Iris to save me," Felicity says.

Barry scoffs. "You think it never crossed my mind? If Oliver hadn't, I would have. Then I would only have myself to blame, but I know it was the right thing to do. I can't be angry at Oliver. And neither should you."

Felicity looks up, and Barry turns to find Oliver entering the cortex again.

"Okay, we need to go," Barry says, getting to his feet.

Oliver puts his hand up to Barry's chest. "Uh, wait."

"What?" Barry asks. "We have to go find them. Let's go."

"Let's wait, okay?"

Barry scoffs. "Why the hell would we do that? We gotta go to National City."

"She's not in National City."

Barry stops in his tracks, backing up a few steps and crossing his arms. "What?"

"I sent Savitar into a battle with Supergirl and Vibe. Now, he may be nearly as strong as a god, but I'll bet you an alien can do some serious damage."

Feeling the weight of the world lift off his shoulders, Barry laughs softly. "I know you don't like hugs, but you don't have a choice," he says, pulling Oliver in. "Thank you so much."

"Oh, you beautiful genius," Felicity breathes out, looking relieved.

"Why tell me now?" Barry asks, pulling away. "Now he'll remember this."

Oliver holds his phone up for a second before sticking it back in his pocket. "Cisco called me, let me know it was safe."

Barry nods. "So, where - "

"Right here."

Iris runs to Barry, who kisses her like it's the last time - which, at this point, it could be. "Oh, thank God," he whispers, holding her close. "What would I do without you guys?"

Cisco laughs. "That's right. This guy can act," he says, point to himself. "I can do stuff too. Oh, and Harry says hi."

"Oh, my God, Felicity," Iris gasps. She moves away from Barry and over to their friend. "What happened?"

Felicity shrugs, getting to her feet. "Oh, you know. Classic bad guy torture stuff."

"I'm so sorry."

"I'll be fine."

Barry sighs, smiling softly. "So how did it go with him and Kara?"

Cisco chuckles, plopping down in his chair. "Supergirl is a badass! Savitar's suit? Completely destroyed. Just gone. Poof."

Iris nods in agreement. "She's so cool, she makes me wanna be a superhero."

"We gotta remember this isn't over," Barry says, looking around. "His suit might be gone, but he isn't."

"Oh, come on, Barry," Oliver says, patting his back. "Even I think we should celebrate. You know... I think Coast City pizza sounds pretty good..."

"Let's go back to our place and get some drinks too," Iris suggests. "Barry?"

Nodding, Barry laughs. "Yeah, okay, I'll do all the work." And he picks her up, racing out of there and to their apartment, then comes back and does the same with Felicity and the others. "Okay," he sighs when they're all there.

"Red or white?" Iris asks, pulling out two bottles of wine and some glasses.

"I'll have beer," Oliver says, grabbing his own drink as Iris pours everyone else theirs. "And, Barry, I believe I requested pizza from Coast City, so what are you doing standing around and drinking?"

Barry scoffs in amusement. "Uh, wait, did I just travel back in time to when you were a spoiled rich dick?"

Felicity laughs. "You'll have to excuse him. But seriously, I want that pizza, so go."

"Yeah, sure," Barry says, chuckling. He kisses Iris. "I love you. I'll see you in a bit."

As Barry speeds out, another flash of lightning fills the room. Wally smiles as he hugs Iris. "I'm so glad you're okay."

Iris nods. "Yeah, me too. Where's dad?"

"Stuck at the precinct. He's gonna try and make it," Wally answers.

"Good to see you again, Kid Flash," Oliver teases, shaking his hand.

Wally rolls his eyes, still grinning. "Yeah, you too, Robin Hood."

"I'm really happy you're okay, Iris," Felicity comments, smiling.

Iris nods gratefully. "Thanks. You too."

Looking down at her arm, Felicity laughs. "More or less."

"Right, well, we're - "

"All alive. For now," a familiar voice says.

Normally Iris gets annoyed when wine spills because it takes forever to get it cleaned up, but right now she has a feeling that the several glasses of wine that spill aren't all that's going to need to be cleaned up tonight. As everyone turns to see Barry's time remnant leaning against the couch, his arms crossed over his chest, glasses start falling, and Wally and Oliver step in front of Iris while Cisco puts his hands up.

He starts to send a blast in Savitar's direction, but he ends up only hitting a vase and a bookshelf as Savitar moves away and grabs him from behind. Cisco has to gasp for air as he tightens his grip on his throat. When Wally speeds over, he's already been thrown into the wall, trying to catch his breath and not pass out.

Wally speeds a fist into Savitar's gut, and it throws him off, but only for a split second before he grabs his wrist. The next thing he knows, he's in unimaginable pain on the ground, holding the knee that Savitar just kicked in.

"You lied to me, Ollie," Savitar says, stocking toward him and Iris. "I thought we were friends."

Oliver quickly grabs Iris's hand, making sure she stays by him as he backs away. His bow and quiver are at STAR Labs, so he doesn't stand a chance right now.

"Yeah. I heard Supergirl took your suit," he replies. "Not so scary without that thing, now, are you?"

Savitar smiles bitterly, glancing back at the others. "You may have changed the future, but not enough. I don't need to kill Iris on Infantino Street. I can do it right here, right now."

"Barry, stop."

Savitar freezes, then turns slowly to look at Felicity. "That's not my name."

Felicity takes a deep, shaky breath, then forces her legs to move forward. "I don't care who you say you are. You will always be Barry to me. Now, please, just stop, and think about what you're doing. You don't need to do this."

"Get away from him," Oliver says carefully, still guarding Iris the best he can.

Felicity looks at her feet, still somehow moving toward Savitar, and his moving to her. They're getting closer and closer, and with every step she gets more scared. But she can't stop now.

"I'm not your Barry," Savitar says, shaking his head. "Do you see my face? Do I look like Barry to you?"

Slowly lifting her good hand, Felicity touches the scarred side of Savitar's face, and maybe it's just her imagination, but she swears she can see him relax a little, like he's relieved. "I don't care what your face looks like. You're the same person that I met back in Star City, okay? The same person that I kissed on that train. You're the same person, okay, just a little more damaged."

Savitar bites his bottom lip, then lifts his own hand, and touches the cast on her arm gingerly. "Felicity..."

Everyone in that room is able to feel each other's relief in that moment. But the next moment, it's all gone.

"You're wrong."

And with that, he grips the cast tight, sending Felicity to the ground yelling out in pain.

"No!" Without thinking, Oliver drops to his knees and looks down at Felicity. "Oh, my God..."

"Hey, let her go!" Cisco yells, getting back to his feet.

Savitar puts an arm around Iris's throat, his hand against her chest. "No one move."

"Please, stop," Iris begs, the fear in her eyes breaking everyone's heart. She's usually so confident and strong.

Oliver is holding Felicity's hand so tightly he thinks he might break another bone of hers, but he's too afraid to even breathe, so he just shakes as he looks between Iris and Savitar.

Cisco looks to Wally, hoping that maybe he's fast enough to get Iris away from him, but from the looks of his leg, it'll be a while before he can run again.

"Now, I know it takes a while to get from here to Coast City and back again, but why don't we just speed things along?" Savitar says, looking around at them all. "Cisco, call Barry."

Cisco knows that as soon as Barry gets here, Savitar will just kill Iris, so maybe he should buy time. But maybe there's a chance he's fast enough to save her this time. It's under different circumstances, after all. So he slowly pulls out his phone, pressing the few buttons it takes to get a hold of The Flash.

At the sound of his phone, Barry stops on the side of the road. "Hey - "

"Barry, you need to get back here, now."

He doesn't waste any time. Without asking any questions, Barry turns right back around and starts running home, nearly running into cars and buildings all over since he's so distracted by his thoughts. What the hell could be happening over there?

The scene when he gets there is enough to break him by itself. Wally rolling around in pain, Cisco against the wall scared as hell but trying to be strong, Felicity and Oliver on the ground, holding each other, and just a few feet from them, Savitar, holding the love of his life.

"No, no, wait, what are you doing, it wasn't supposed... It wasn't supposed to happen like this," Barry says, standing in the doorway, too afraid to move.

"Things have changed, Flash," Savitar says. "But Iris will still die."

Iris sniffles as her tears fall, but she never looks away from her best friend's eyes. "Barry... I love you."

The second that Barry sees Savitar move, he runs. Savitar's hand is vibrating, right behind Iris, his other arm holding her by her shoulder. Barry screams, a sound that tears his throat up. And then he's right in front of her, holding her face in his hands, and he's saved her. But he looks down, and Savitar's hand has gone right through her chest.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry tries to cope, and things get complicated

Barry doesn't even notice the hand on his shoulder until he's being pulled up from the ground. But he shakes his head, sobbing and reaching out for Iris.

"No... No, let me go. Let me go..." he mutters, trying to pull away from Oliver. "Let me go!"

Oliver gets a grip around Barry's waist, turning him around and pulling him closer.

Barry struggles at first, but it's not long before he gives up and just buries his head in his friend's shoulder, sobbing. "She's gone, Oliver."

Wally screams, pushing his body to the limit by trying to get across the room to his sister, only yelling more when he falls to the floor.

"Wally... Wally, your leg," Cisco argues halfheartedly, in too much shock to do much about it. "You're gonna make it worse."

So finally he gives up, his head in his hands as he rolls on the floor and lets Cisco hug him.

"I'm sorry, Barry," Oliver whispers, closing his eyes so that he doesn't have to scar himself more with the sight of Iris's dead body.

Barry pulls back, looking down at Felicity, who's shaking and staring with teary eyes at Iris, and then at Cisco and Wally. "I can't... What did I do, Ollie?"

"Hey, this isn't your fault, okay?" Oliver sighs, helping Felicity to her feet. "You should go. Felicity can take you to her place in Star City."

Barry shakes his head. "What? N - No. I have to take care of all of this, and - Oh, God, Joe... I have to tell Joe, and - "

"I will take care of everything," Oliver promises. "I'm so sorry I couldn't save her, but I will do everything I can to help you. Please let Felicity get you out of here. You're in no place to do any of this stuff."

Felicity reaches out and grab's Barry's hand gently, both of them taking one last look at Iris before walking away from her and their friends.

-

"Big belly burger?"

It's the first sentence spoken since they got in the car an hour ago.

Barry just shrugs in response, staring blankly out the window.

Felicity glances over at Barry from the driver's seat, reaching over and gently taking one of his hands in her own. "I'm sorry, Barry. This isn't fair. You shouldn't have to deal with this."

"I shouldn't have left," Barry replies softly. "The - The team, they need me. Wally's hurt, and Cisco - "

"Hey. Oliver said he would deal with it."

Barry just shakes his head, pulling his head away from Felicity's. When they pull into the Big Belly Burger parking lot, Felicity turns on the radio so she isn't leaving Barry alone with his thoughts, then gets out of the car and goes into the restaurant.

Since it's pretty late, it's pretty much deserted except for an employee at the register, a couple at a table, and a girl in the corner. But as Felicity approaches the counter she gets a better look at the hair on the girl in the booth. Long and white like frost.

She can't control the fire inside of her as she marches over there and sits herself across from Killer Frost. "You did nothing."

Killer Frost lifts her head from staring down at her shake, her eyes glowing. She doesn't say a word, only stares her former friend down with a cold glare.

"Iris is dead. You knew what was going to happen and you did nothing," Felicity says, her voice shaking in anger.

"It was Iris or me," Killer Frost says calmly. "If I helped you, Savitar would kill me."

Felicity scoffs. "And, what, does telling yourself that make you feel better? Barry is out there right now, thinking that this is all his fault, and Oliver is back in Central city thinking the same thing. They're both always carrying so much guilt and responsibility around with them. But this time it's not their fault. It's yours. Iris's death is on your hands, Caitlin."

"That's not my name," Killer Frost snaps, but her eyes flicker back to normal.

"Yes it is," Felicity says. "You just don't wanna hear it, Cait."

Caitlin sighs, taking another sip of her shake. "Are we done here?"

-

"How is it fair?" Barry asks.

Felicity looks over at him from her side of the couch, crumpling up her burger wrapper and throwing it on the coffee table. "What?"

"Iris just died. In my arms. And I have the power to go back in time and stop it, but I know that I shouldn't. How is that fair?"

"It's not, Bar," the blond replies quietly. "And I know that this isn't what you want to hear, but... You've learned your lessons in time traveling. I know that right now the idea of going back and saving her sounds great, but you know that it could just make things worse in the end."

"I know!" Barry shouts, standing up. "You think I don't know that? You can't even begin to understand how this feels, Felicity!" He turns and starts pacing around angrily, breaking Felicity's heart.

She sighs, nodding. "I've lost people too, Barry. My father... Laurel... Hell, I've lost Oliver countless times."

"Yeah, and he keeps coming back! Iris? She's never coming back. She's gone, and I - " But he can't finish his sentence, so he just stumbles back to the couch and lets Felicity pull him into her and hold him.

Felicity closes her eyes, tears falling silently as she tries to stay strong for her friend. "I'm so sorry, Barry... I'm sorry..." When Barry pulls back, she reaches up and gently wipes the tears from his cheek.

Barry grabs Felicity's hand, and it's a few moments before he makes another movement, keeping Felicity on the edge and leaving her wondering what's happening. And when he does move, he shocks her by taking her face in his hands and kissing her.

Felicity tenses up, taken aback, but after a moment she begins to move her lips against his, closing her eyes. Though, as Barry pushes her onto her back and holds himself over her, things start getting heated, and she quickly pulls away. "Oh, my God. What are we doing?"

She expects him to freak out and feel terrible, but instead he just shakes his head and pushes her back down, slamming his lips back onto hers.

Felicity shakes her head, putting her hand on Barry's chest and holding him back. "Barry, stop."

But he only smiles softly and goes back in for more.

At this, Felicity doesn't hesitate to punch him in the face, and when he falls back enough, she gets to her feet. "Where's Barry?"

"What?" Barry chuckles, standing up. "I'm right here."

Felicity shakes her head. "No. No, you're not." She steps away from him, towards the table, where she grabs a vase behind her back. "What happened to your face? How'd you hide the scars?"

Savitar laughs softly, grabbing something from his pocket and putting it up to his face. A light flashes over it, like it's scanning for something, and when he lowers his hand, he's back to his normal self, his face scarred and hair messy.

Felicity hits the glass vase over his head, and in the split second that he's dazed, she turns and runs to the door. Of course, she knew she would never get away, and soon Savitar is holding her against the wood of the door.

Grunting, Felicity does all she can to get out of his grip. "You already killed Iris. What do you want?"

Savitar shrugs, looking Felicity up and down. "Poor Barry's already broken. What harm's a little more chaos gonna do?"

And before Felicity and retort, his hands are gripped around her throat. Felicity chokes, pounding against Savitar's chest. Finally she's able to lift her leg and knee him between his legs, causing him to stumble back, and she runs to the door. She doesn't get the chance to go through it, though, because he's suddenly right in front of her. But when she turns around, he's there, too.

"Barry!" she shouts when she notices that the one at the door doesn't have scars on his face.

Barry doesn't even acknowledge her, but screams as he speeds toward Savitar. The other speedster merely laughs and moves to the side at the last second, sending Barry into the window, breaking it and falling out.

By the time Barry runs up the side of the building and back into the room, Savitar is long gone. _"Where did he go?"_ he yells, hands balled into fists at his sides, shaking.

"He's gone, Barry," Felicity sighs.

She can tell it's taking everything he has not to scream at the top of his lungs, so she takes his hands and leads him to the couch. "Was it him the whole time? I mean, how did I not notice before?"

Barry shakes his head. "At Big Belly Burger, while you were inside. He knocked me out, tied me up somewhere. It took me a while after I woke up to figure out where I was and how to get back."

"Well, thank God you came," Felicity says. "You got here just in time."

Barry just nods softly. "I think I need to just... go to sleep."

"Of course, yeah. You can sleep in my room, I'll take the couch."

Shaking his head, Barry sighs. "No, I'm good here. I just... I need sleep."

"Are you sure?" At his nod, Felicity gets to her feet, and she's about to go to bed when her phone rings. She grabs it from the table and puts it to her ear.

Barry sniffles, scooting over and lying down on the couch, hugging a throw pillow close as he listens to Felicity's side of the conversation.

"Hey, what... Oh, my God. Hey, hey, calm down, okay? What happened?" Felicity asks, looking worried and pacing around. "Are you okay? No - sorry, dumb question... Um, Curtis, I'm sorry..." She looks down at Barry. "Something happened, and I'm with Barry, he... Yeah, I'm really sorry. I'll call you tomorrow, okay? Get some rest."

After she hangs up, Barry sits back up, brows furrowed. "What's wrong?"

Felicity bites her bottom lip nervously. "It's... It's Curtis's husband... He just told him he wants a divorce."

"Go."

"What?"

Barry stands up, sighing tiredly. "I'll be fine. He needs you right now."

"Are - Are you sure?" Felicity asks.

"One hundred percent."

Nodding, Felicity hugs her friend and kisses his cheek. "Call if you need anything."

It takes a half hour of tossing and turning on the couch to realize he needs a real bed, and another hour on Felicity's bed to realize he isn't getting sleep anytime soon. So Barry gets up, making his way to the kitchen and grabbing a beer from the fridge.

He's standing out on the balcony drinking it when he hears the apartment door open. He doesn't bother turning to look at Felicity, just staring out at the city. "I can't even get drunk... The one thing that might actually help me feel better right now, and... and it doesn't even work on me."

"I might be able to help with that."

Barry spins around at the sound of the voice, beer dropping and blood suddenly boiling. He speeds over and forces her into the wall, his arm against her throat.

Caitlin coughs, eyes wide. "Barry..."

His jaw clenches in frustration as he tries to force himself to stop strangling her, and he pulls off with a grunt. "Why are you here?"

"I know this won't mean anything to you," Caitlin says softly, clearing her throat and rubbing her neck. "But I'm sorry."

Barry scoffs, rolling his eyes. "If you were sorry, you would've done something to stop him. But you did nothing."

Caitlin adjusts her purse on her shoulder. "I know. And I am so sorry. You don't deserve any of this, Barry, and I wish I could change what I did."

"Yeah, but you can't," Barry spits out. "Just get out."

"I am. I'm leaving. I'm not helping Savitar anymore. I'm leaving town until I can... figure myself out. I just wanted to drop something off for you." She reaches in her bag and pulls out an old whiskey bottle with a clear liquid in it. "I kept working on the formula for your alcohol, and this should do it. There's more back at STAR Labs too."

Barry avoids her eyes as he snatches the bottle away and slams it onto the dining room table. "Great. Now get out."

"Barry - "

"Get out!"

Caitlin nods, turning and making her way to the door. "If there's ever anything I can do... Don't hesitate to call, please."

Barry doesn't say a word, just waits until she steps out of the door and slams it behind her. He leans against the wood, his face twisting up in pain and heartbreak as he slides down to the floor. He lost his fiancé. He lost his friend. What else does he have to be taken from him? Curling in on himself, he brings his knees to his chest and hangs his head. Sobs rip their way through his body and he shakes, his entire body shakes so much that for a second he thinks he's vibrating. He's just so broken that he can't get control of himself.

-

"Are you sure you guys are gonna be okay?" Oliver asks, setting a glass of water for Wally, who's lying on the couch with his leg on a pillow, down on the coffee table. "I can stay for a day or two if you need."

Joe takes a shaky breath, wiping his face. "Go take care of Barry."

Oliver nods, hugging Joe one last time. "I'm really sorry about all of this."

The first thing he sees when he gets to Felicity's apartment is Barry crashed on the couch. The lights are still on, and from the door he can see his red and puffy eyes. Making his way over, he gently touches Barry's hair as he looks down at his figure. "I wish I could help you," Oliver whispers softly. "I just don't know what to do."

Just as he's walking down the hall to go check on Felicity, he hears a quiet muttering sound, so he turns back around and looks at his friend, who's squirming on the couch and muttering indistinctly.

"Barry?"

Almost as if that one word triggered it, Barry starts thrashing around, screaming out. "No! Wait! Stop, wait!"

Oliver runs over, crouching by Barry's side and shaking him. "Barry, wake up! Come on!"

Barry releases a loud sob between his screams, his eyes shooting open as he looks around him frantically.

"Hey! Hey, it's me," Oliver says, his hands on the sides of Barry's neck so he's looking at him. "It's me... You're safe..."

Barry breathes heavily, teary eyed and shaking violently. "Ollie?"

Oliver nods, hugging Barry tightly. "Yeah, it's me. You're okay."

"I'm sorry." Barry buries his face in Oliver's chest, one hand gripping his shirt and the other wrapped around his torso.

"No, don't be." Oliver rubs Barry's hair, sighing sadly. "What can I do for you?"

Barry shakes head and pulls back hesitantly. "I think I should go home"

"Okay. Here, I'll take you." Oliver stands up, helping Barry get to his feet as well.

"No, I can just run. It's okay."

Oliver puts his hand up to Barry's chest, looking at him sternly. "I really don't think you should be alone. Let me take you."

Barry nods in agreement, and they start to walk to the door, but he stops. "Wait." And he turns and finds the whiskey bottle on the dining room table, grabbing it quickly. "Okay. Let's go."

-

"So what is that?" Oliver asks, grabbing the bottle from Barry's hands.

"Alcohol for speedsters."

Oliver raises an eyebrow, smirking. "So it's extra strong." He takes off the lid, but before he can get a sip in, Barry uses his speed to take it from him.

"Yeah, as in it'll most likely kill you." He sighs, turning to set it on the dining room table, but stops in his tracks when he sees a piece of broken glass. And then he's back there, to earlier this evening, holding Iris's body with her broken wine glass beside her. "I might need it though." And with that, he tilts his head back and takes a swig.

"Sorry. I guess I missed a piece," Oliver says, grabbing the glass and putting it in the trash.

Barry coughs. "Yeah. That's strong." He can already feel himself getting buzzed, and he knows for sure this is working when he turns to look at Oliver and stumbles, falling to the floor.

Oliver can't help but laugh, pulling him up and setting him on the couch. "Take it easy."

Barry giggles as he lowers the bottle from his lips. "I'm pretty sure..." Barry slurs out. "That this is the only way that I can get to sleep... Go ahead, help yourself, get a beer... Let's have a party..."

"It's not exactly the appropriate time for a party, Barry," Oliver says, shaking his head in amusement, although he does help himself to a beer from the fridge. "Maybe you should get to bed. Oliver tries to get the bottle out of Barry's hand, but he just speeds over to the fireplace.

Barry takes a few more swigs, swaying. "Just a little more..."

Oliver gets to his feet, setting his beer on the coffee table. He makes his way over, standing right in front of Barry and putting his arms on either side of him, leaning against the wall. "I think you're done."

Barry's smile falls, and he shakes his head, still barely keeping his balance. "You're not the boss of me."

"Uh, right now, I think I am," Oliver retorts, rolling his eyes. "I know you've been through a lot in the last few hours, Barry, but I think the best thing you can do for yourself right now is get some rest."

Barry scoffs. "Been through a lot? It's not like it was just a long day at work! No, I watched Iris _die_. I think if it were Felicity, or Thea, you would be reacting the exact same way."

"I know, but - "

Shaking his head, Barry uses his free hand to push Oliver back. "Leave me the hell alone."

Oliver doesn't try to fight back, but he regains his balance and holds Barry's hand so that he can't run away as he wrestles the bottle away from him. "You're done. I'm sorry."

Barry rolls his eyes, shoving Oliver as he walks past him. But before he makes it two feet away, he stumbles and nearly falls to the ground before Oliver sets the bottle down and catches him.

"Alright," Oliver grunts, getting his balance with Barry basically dragging alongside him. "Let's get you to bed."

When they get to the bedroom, neither of them bother to get any comfier clothes for Barry, but they go straight to the bed. Barry tries to let go of Oliver, only to fall straight on his face into the mattress. At least it wasn't the floor. Oliver sighs, flipping his friend on his back and pulling the covers over him.

"I'm sorry, Ollie..." Barry slurs. "I was... mean."

Oliver just shakes his head, rubbing Barry's hair. "It's understandable. Just get some sleep."

"G'night," Barry mumbles, closing his eyes.

Oliver is barely halfway across the room when he feels a familiar gust of wind, and in the blink of an eye, Barry is right back in front of him, just standing there, looking at him.

Oliver doesn't say anything either, only watches him and waits for whatever he's about to do. And although Barry's the fast one, he's moving slow as hell right now, leaving Oliver on the edge for an eternity.

"Barry?"

The look in his eyes makes Oliver want to hold him forever and give him whatever he needs. So broken, and so desperate. And still, there's something else there. Hunger. Lust.

"Ollie..."

And then he's closing the small distance between them, pressing his lips onto Oliver's gently. Only a few seconds pass before Barry pulls away, looking right into his friend's eyes. "I'm sorry."

Oliver knows he should stop this before it goes too far. Barry's fiancé was just murdered and he's drunk, so to do this would just be taking advantage of his emotional state. But he takes one look at his face, this face that has brought so much joy and hope into his life - this face that is now the face of someone who's nearing their breaking point - and he just can't. He can't lose this moment.

So he kisses Barry again, this time harder, holding his face so he doesn't stumble and fall.

Barry grips the front of Oliver's shirt with his hands, tugging as if he's trying to get him even closer, to take him in even more.

Oliver pushes Barry back, not once breaking the kiss, until they hit the wall and Barry grunts and pulls away. He breathes heavily, looking up at the ceiling as Oliver moves his mouth down and kisses his neck. And then he hits this spot, the perfect spot, and Barry can't help but vibrate for a couple seconds, moaning.

Oliver pulls away for a second, his hands now roaming Barry's torso. "Whoa. What was that?"

Barry shrugs. "It happens sometimes. Makes one night stands kinda hard."

Chuckling, Oliver pecks his lips again. "Somehow I don't think you're much of a one night stand guy."

"Then what would you call this?" Barry asks softly, grinning as he pulls Oliver back in for more.

Oliver groans, reaching the end of Barry's shirt. He pulls away once more - getting whines from Barry - to start unbuttoning it, and when it's all open, he rips it off and throws it to the side.

Barry tugs at Oliver's shirt as they begin making out again, and at this he quickly starts to unbutton it for Barry, tossing it away and leaving only his v-neck underneath.

Oliver moves his hands down, for a second to Barry's ass, and then he grips his thighs. At that signal, Barry jumps and lets Oliver get a good grip before wrapping his legs around his waist, his arms around his neck.

Oliver turns around, taking them over to the bed and lying Barry on his back and climbing on top. He pulls his v-neck off, then unzips Barry's pants and tugs them down. He has to get off the bed to pull them all the way off, and while he's away he pulls his own off, too.

With Oliver back and his legs on either side of Barry, the speedster reaches up and runs his hands over all of the scars on Oliver's chest. He sits up a bit, kissing one of them, then looks back up at his friend, who pulls him up closer and presses their lips together again.


	4. Chapter 4

Felicity gets to Central City around nine to check up on Barry, and when she arrives at Barry's apartment, she has to pause to take a look at the scene. There's a beer bottle and a whiskey bottle sitting on the coffee table, both barely gone. The fire is still halfheartedly burning. That's dangerous, but Barry must have just been too distracted to put it out. Oliver's shoes are sitting by the couch, but there's no sign of him there otherwise. She expected him to sleep there. Weird.

She quietly creeps down the hall, finding his bedroom door open just a crack, so she lightly knocks. When she hears someone clearing their throat, she slowly opens it.

Oliver is there, trying to quickly put on his pants and shirt. When he hears the door, he looks up the find Felicity frozen, her eyes wide. She looks up at the bed, where Barry is knocked out, then back to Oliver, and between them again.

Oliver finally gets his pants buttoned and his v-neck on and stands back up, quickly pushing Felicity out the door.

"Did you - "

Nodding, Oliver rubs his face. "I did. Yeah. Oh, my God, what was I thinking?"

Felicity slaps Oliver's arm. "His fiancé just died!"

"I know!"

"Were you drunk?" she asks, running a hand through her hair.

"No."

"Was he?"

Oliver pauses before nodding. "Yeah..."

"Oh, my God!" Felicity whisper yells.

"What do I do?" Oliver asks, crossing his arms over his chest. "I feel terrible."

But before Felicity can answer, the bedroom door opens, and Barry walks out, in just sweatpants. "Oh. Um. I - I thought you left..." he says, his face going fifty shades of red in the span of five seconds.

Oliver has to force himself to not stare at his body, doing all he can to keep his eyes on Barry's face. "Listen, uh... I'm really sorry about last night. I shouldn't have... It was my fault..."

Barry bites his lip, and just the look in his eyes says that he feels guilty about it, but he just shakes his head. "It's okay. Thanks, guys... for - for everything..."

Oliver nods. "Of course. Do you need anything?"

Felicity shakes her head. "Actually, we were just going back to Star City. I'll call you later, okay, Barry?"

Barry plops down on the couch, his face buried in his hands. What has he done? Coming onto Oliver like that? Iris was just murdered in his arms. How is this okay?

-

Joe ruffles Wally's hair, sighing. "I'm going to work. Do you need anything before I leave?"

Wally looks up from where he's lying on the couch. "Are you kidding me?"

Stopping in his tracks, Joe turns around. "What?"

"Iris is - " Wally scoffs. "Are you seriously going to work right now? After what happened?"

"Wally, I gotta have something to distract me," Joe sighs. "I can't just sit around thinking about my baby girl I lost."

Wally rolls his eyes. "I have to! I have to lay here and think about how I just got a sister and now she's gone! Why should I have to be alone? That's not fair."

Barry skids to a stop with a gust of wind, shutting the door. "Joe..."

At the sight of Barry for the first time since Iris died, Joe feels himself falling apart, and he lets Barry hug him tight. "I'm sorry, Bar..."

"It's not your fault," Barry says, shaking his head. "How's your leg, Wally?"

Wally shrugs. "Another day and I should be fine. Physically, anyway."

"You're not going to work, are you, Joe?" Barry asks. "Cause it's... too early."

Joe sighs. "I can decide when to go back."

"Okay, but, just so you know, Singh isn't gonna let you do anything. He called this morning and told me not to let you go in."

-

The music is pounding in Barry's ears, and he can feel the floor moving with the bass. There are so many people intoxicated and bumping into him, but it's not hard to ignore them, especially with how zoned out he is.

"Barry!" It takes a few times for him to actually hear it, but when he does, he turns to the voice and finds Oliver right by his side and leaning up against the bar.

Barry stares at him, not smiling, but not exactly upset that he's here with him. "What are you doing here? I thought you went back to Star City."

Oliver shrugs. "It didn't feel right leaving you alone."

"So you came to a bar that you had no idea I would be at?"

"Oh, well, I can leave if you want me to," Oliver teases, turning like he's about to walk away, but Barry grabs his hand and pulls him back.

Once Oliver is back at his side, though, he doesn't let go of his hand, just looks down at it, intertwining their fingers.

"Barry..." Oliver warns, shaking his head. But God, does he want to. He wishes he could do this all over again.

So Barry pulls away. "I know. I'm sorry. What the hell am I doing? I just lost her, and I'm..."

"Hey, it's okay. Last night, you were drunk. That was my fault."

But Barry shakes his head. "No, it's not just last night!"

Oliver bites his bottom lip. "What... What are you talking about?

"I can't do this..." Barry stands up and pushes past Oliver and all of thee strangers in the building, making his way outside.

"Hey!" Oliver runs after him, just thankful he's not using his speed. "What are you doing?"

Barry puts his hand up as he continues to walk away. "Leave me alone, Ollie."

"No!" Oliver shouts, stopping, and at this, Barry stops too, turning around. "I think if you really wanted me to leave you alone, you would've run away by now. You're sure as hell able to get away from me easily, so what are you waiting for?"

Barry is silent for a moment, nodding. "You're right." And with that, he speeds off, the only thing lighting up the night being the electricity surrounding him.

-

Oliver doesn't quit knocking on the door until it opens, revealing a disheveled Barry. His hair is messed up, his sweatpants and sweatshirt are dirty, and his face is covered in tears, his eyes red.

"I told you to leave me alone," he sniffles, wiping his eyes with his sleeves.

"Yeah? And when have I ever listened to what people tell me to do?" Oliver asks, and before he can bring Barry in for a hug, the speedster turns and walks away.

"Maybe you should start."

Oliver follows Barry inside to apartment, shutting the door. "Hey, I know that you just lost Iris, okay? But I'm trying to help you."

Barry rolls his eyes, turning back around and crossing his arms. "Help me by staying the hell away from me."

" _Why_?" Oliver asks, confused.

"Because!" Barry says, raising his voice. "Iris _died_ last night! I lost the love of my life, and just a few hours later I was hooking up with the guy that I used to have a crush on. So I think it's understandable that I feel guilty."

Oliver pauses. "What?"

Huffing, Barry nods. "When I met you, before I was with Iris, and before I even thought there was a chance with her, I had a huge crush on you. But you liked Felicity, and that... that hurt. But then I got Iris, and everything was good until she was murdered right in front of me. And now... now I'm falling for you again, and if that doesn't make me a terrible person then I don't know what does."

"You know what I think?" Oliver asks, slowly stepping closer. "I don't think you ever fall out of love, Bar. I think sometimes you just get distracted and forget how the person right in front of you makes you feel."

"So, what? You think Iris was just a distraction from you?" Barry asks, scoffing.

Oliver shakes his head, getting closer and closer. "No. I think we were both distractions from each other."

And finally he's right there, right in front of him, holding Barry's face in his hands.

Barry closes his eyes, looking down. "Ollie, I can't..."

"I know what I'm doing. I know it's selfish. But I can't give you up, Barry. Not now."

And this time it's Oliver that kisses Barry, pulling him as close as he possibly can. Barry hates himself for it, but he starts moving his mouth against Oliver's, his arms wrapped around him tightly.

Neither of them really know or care how long it is before they pull away, but when they do, they look happier than ever, despite everything they've lost and what they've been through.

"Ollie?"

"Yeah, Bar?"

Barry sighs, leaning his head on Oliver's chest. They're standing in the room where his fiancé was murdered only a day earlier, but it feels like a century ago.

"I love you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end! For now...
> 
> Basically I'm stuck on this fic because I have absolutely no idea where I wanna go with it. SO seriously, if there is anything you guys wanna see happen with the plot or the ship or in the team, please let me know in the comments because it would be a big help in continuing this story. I really like this, too, so I don't wanna have to end it just yet.
> 
> I have another Olivarry fic too, so feel free to check it out while this one is on hold! Hope you enjoyed!


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